This blog is under construction while I learn the skills to customize it and make it more viewer-friendly.
I'm a diaryist (?) and have kept one since I was 14. It's been a place where I can speak with my authentic voice; though sometimes that Voice comes through obscured by the straitjacket of the darker, more authoritarian side of western, quasi-Christian, 'traditional' (50's and early 60's style) American values.
So why would anyone want to read my thoughts?
I honestly don't really know. But, along my way I have often read and listened to other voices that were speaking from a place of authenticity and have felt enriched and helped in my journey. I've used my diaries to explore what may be themes common to humanity. (*Some* kind of theme has led humanity to seek a god, to seek salvation.)
In reading over my old diaries I see a process of unshackling my thoughts and being able to claim them as mine. The thoughts of others before me have encouraged me, and my hope is that I can give back some of that encouragement to others who are seeking.
My current manifestation of a theme of choosing and being responsible for my choices is a decision whether or not to divorce my husband of 15.5 years. We have 2 sons, one 10 and one 6.
As I weigh my options and potential consequences I see that this is about much more than divorce.
So I'm going to take a leap and write my process.
I'm in therapy with a Jungian therapist right now, and I'm all about archetypes and metaphors. Making this decision about whether or not to divorce has exposed layer upon layer...of whatever it is that has gotten me here. When I set up the blog I was asked to choose a name. I couldn't think of anything better (I'm terrible at things like that), so I chose excavator, but I don't know if I'll keep it.
Everything is under construction, this site, my decision, my life.
I have to go pick up a son from school for his vision therapy.