We've come out. Sunday we told the boys that we, the parents are going to separate and most likely divorce. We told them they will stay in the house, while Gary and I do rotations of living with them, probably on a week by week basis. (We may start out with shorter rotations because a week may be too long for Scott. He's never been separate from me for more than 2 nights)
A useful opportunity is coming up. Gary is going to Asia and will be gone about 10 days. The boys have experienced this many times before. When he returns I'm going to stay at a friend's house for a few days. Thus we'll have a real-time dry run which will demonstrate to the boys what their lives will look and feel like. The goal is that life not feel much different than it does right now. (That's the least I'm hoping for. My cherished hope is that absent the poison atmosphere the combination of Gary and I give off, life will feel lighter, better to them, and to me too.)
We've informed our wider families, our own parents and siblings.
We'll need another place for the times we're not at home with the boys. I don't know yet if we'll share one or each get one. I need a job and I have an interview on Friday.
That's all for now. It's a very committing move we've made and we need to follow through with the next one as soon as possible. I'm glad to have it in the open, finally--to at last be taking meaningful steps.