I moaned about a miracle, about my miracle being undercut (the miracle of finding the school, and the boats). The fact is, though, that Scott’s needs are what they are. And they may require more than 2 hours a day of my presence in a classroom to keep him oriented. It may require more than me being there the entire day every day. But ‘miracle’ doesn’t mean that my child doesn’t have needs, or doesn’t have needs that inconvenience me. But in making the adjustment to meet his needs, I need to find a way to meet mine. What is it about big chunks of time that I need—is there some essence of it that doesn’t require big chunks of time to get? What need does big chunks of time satisfy, and what other avenues are there for giving the same sensation of satisfaction?
Perhaps the miracle is that I have the opportunity to meet his need in a way that means he won’t be burdened with reverberations—secondary damage--when he’s older. Perhaps the miracle is that this school, this classroom are available—that the best place to be supported while he grows through this is this school. And it’s free…we could not afford to pay for private school or tutoring. Perhaps the miracle is that I do have the resources (time) to devote to it.
It seems to resolve the question about my returning to my profession right now. I won’t be doing that for a while. It also resolves the question about leaving Gary right now, I think. Something pretty special would have to open up for leaving Gary to be possible under these circumstances.
It’s not very nice to question a miracle while it’s in process. Maybe realizing that can help me be a more receptive kindee.